I've spent most of my life giving very little consideration to violence.

I've thought about love. I've thought about beauty. I've thought about relationships, values, time, hope, color and shape. I've thought about death, but I haven't really thought about violent death... just, you know, death - mortality, that kinda thing.

but lately, I've been noticing violence more and more. these things have a way of developing slowly in the backs of our minds, and only making themselves apparent when circumstances force them into our consciousness.

as a child I went through a period when I was prone to throwing occasional punches at my older brother whenever I became frustrated and felt unable to otherwise express myself. as a teenager, I found myself on the more painful end of punches a couple times, but by that point I guess I had either worked through my more overtly violent tendencies, or had simply recognized the futility of striking back at my adversaries, who inevitably had me significantly outsized.

by the time I was in college, I had become vaguely pacifistic, more or less simply because it seemed like the obvious thing, not because I'd given any real consideration to it. I do remember giving thought to the draft... questioning whether or not I would go if they reinstated it. that was in the eighties, and reagan was doing something in granada, and we all needed to be registered, even though there was no draft at the time. nevertheless, memories of vietnam were not too distant, and nobody really knew what a mess reagan could cook up for us, so it was a frequent topic of conversation for awhile. the startling thing about that, in retrospect, is that I did question it, I really did consider the possibility of serving in a war if I was drafted - I mean, it would've been a hassle to live underground, go to canada, change my name, whatever, so maybe I should go to war afterall - that was my thinking at the time. after giving it what thought I did however, I decided I would probably try conscientious objection, and if that didn't work, then I'd go underground (whatever that meant) rather than go to war. as events turned out, of course, the draft wasn't reinstated and I never really did have to choose... or for that matter, to give it any more thought.

years passed, I finished college, I painted some pictures, I traveled around, and I ignored politics and current events in favor of the timeless and universal themes of love, beauty, life and death. it wasn't until 1996, when I moved to buffalo (and started watching tv again) that I began noticing what was going on in the world around me. it wasn't really what I expected it would be. people seemed to be living in a very different way than I had imagined. people were killing each other in rwanda, yugoslavia, israel and all over the place. and then eventually, September 11th, 2001 arrived. I hate to refer to 9/11 as being a turning point - it seems like such a cliché; so much has been made of that date, but like it or not, I guess it was a turning point for a lot of us. the significance that it had for me, was that it finally made me aware of what an unflinching pacifist I'd somehow become while I wasn't paying attention to it.

I remember that day, as I suppose many of us do. I remember having a variety of reactions, but foremost among them was a conviction that a violent response would be both wrong and futile. even some of my dearest and most peace loving friends however, reacted to the wtc attack with fear, fury, and a resolve to defend ourselves with whatever (violent) means necessary. people all around me were suddenly thrown into a sort of survival mode that blinded them to the realities of the situation at hand - at least to the realities as I saw them. fear, stoked by our country's leaders and broadcast by the news media, sent the country into a fit of patriotic panic. I however, never felt personally threatened, and I didn't even feel that our way of life was threatened by terrorists despite what the politicians and anchormen were telling me. I felt frustrated that many americans were being manipulated by a political administration that was using fear to promote its partisan agenda. I was surprised at how certain I was that violence was a counterproductive response to violence, and I was surprised at how ready people were to condone violence in the face a a perceived threat. I hadn't given it any thought until then, but somewhere between college draft worries and the late summer of 2001, my viewpoint had solidified. I was a pacifist, through and through.

I understood immediately that, by calling the wtc attack an act of war, the bush administration was seeking to justify a military response, and had no interest in trying to achieve a legal or peaceful solution. it was clear to me that all the alternate responses were being ignored in favor of violence. no effort was being made to understand the underlying causes of the terrorist act, it was all written off as the iniquitous deeds of evil doers (does evil even exist? I still haven't encountered it, but that gets even further off track than I probably already am). I took part in peace activism, I forwarded email petitions, participated in debates, helped spell out peaceful messages on the beach with other pacifists for photographers in helicopters to photo and send off to the press. but nevertheless, I still stood helplessly by while, within a month of the tragedy in NY, my government began bombing innocent people in afghanistan. then later I watched, just as helplessly (despite my futile efforts at political activism through the high risk orange project), as the war with iraq was sold, through lies and deception, to the american people. the UN didn't buy it, which was reassuring, but their lack of support for the war didn't make a bit of difference, which was terribly discouraging.

so, these events started me thinking. what is this thing, violence? everyday, in the newspaper and on the internet we can read about dozens or scores or even hundreds of acts of violence. is the world more violent today than it used to be, or are we just more aware of the violence that occurs? is violence more, or less accepted by our societies now than it used to be? is violence a necessary part of human nature? is all violence wrong? if we could do away with violence would (or should) we? what leads to violence and how can we alleviate these causes? what are the alternatives to violence? are there any? when and how does violence enter our lives, what are the effects of violence in the media and entertainment? is violence deviant behavior or normal?

there's lots more questions, and there are certainly more questions than there are answers, but the exercise I'm undertaking is in the asking and so, any insights that come from that are a bonus. despite my belief in non-violence, I'm trying to look as fairly at violence as I can. admittedly, I'm unavoidably biased, but the attraction to this project (as with the initial intent of the saints project from 2001) is to try to find beauty through understanding, even (or especially) in the least likely places.

September 27th update

These are the second group of slightly larger canvasses (3½ x 4½'ish). There are 13 canvasses painted front and back to make a total of 26 images. I still have some related projects in mind, but for the most part this finishes up the Raising Cain paintings. I'm just about done here, and after tying up some loose ends, I hope to be heading back to Venice in a few weeks.

August 25th update

These are the last of the first 42 paintings - 21 canvases painted front and back, roughly 36x48" each. I'm just past the halfway point in my stay here. I arrived June 23rd and plan to leave no later than the middle of October. The time has flown by so far, but I admit that realizing I still have almost the same amount of time ahead of me makes my return to venice seem a long way off. I'm sure I'll be back before any of us know it.

I'm not certain what these coming paintings will hold. I feel pretty well warmed up and ready to go with more paintings. at least some and probably most, will continue with the violence themes, but I think I'll leave myself open to allowing for other themes to appear if they will. it'll be interesting to see (for me anyway) what happens.

August 20th update

Here are some more paintings. all of them are on the reverse sides of the canvases shown in the August 3rd update below, except for the one titled Refugees 2, which is a reworking of the earlier version.

August 11th update

I've begun working on the backs of the first twenty-one. So far I've been working them one at a time and usually finishing them in one day each. It's a different way to work for me, but I like the immediate gratification of it. here are the first five. I'll post me as they come.

August 3rd update

I'm pretty much finished with the front sides of the first twenty-one canvases. that's not to say that I wont go back and tie up a few loose ends I've neglected, or rework things that end up buggin' me, but for the most part they're finished (along with one of the reverse sides, in case you're counting twenty-two and wondering what's up). so anyway, here they are. tomorrow I'll get to work on the backs.

July 23rd update

I've gotten started on the paintings, I arrived in Cincinnati a month ago today, and spent a few days getting the studio in order, so I think I've been painting this group pretty close to four weeks. the images below are the states of the canvasses I've begun so far as of today. Most will develop further from here - either mildly or drastically, hard to tell, but I'll post later versions as I get to them.

May 27th update

the images below are just preliminary studies for possible paintings... sort of a visual experimentation and idea gathering. I'll post more as they come and once I begin working on the paintings I'll add those too. click the thumbnails below to view larger versions.